Running the Spread Vol. 1

...was counting the amount of times Alicia said the words "NEWWWWW YOOOOORK!!!", but instead I'll just Run a Spread, a collection of facts and jokes and things that were supposed to be funny.


I'm not so sure that the Saints ever learned the phrase "Respect Your Elders", but that's just based on them making Brett Favre eat Field Turf for a couple of hours.

Can someone tell Kurt Warner that when you call a press conference to decide about retiring, that you will end up retiring. Otherwise, he would just tell the Cardinals "sure I'll take the 12 million bones!"

Dear Vince Wilfork, the Franchise Tag is when you get paid like the average of the TOP 5 at your position, and that would end up in like 15 million bucks. That's enough to feed your family. No, really, it does, I did research. Latrell Sprewell told me everything!

For your information, Eli Manning makes more money annually than Peyton Manning. What do you mean there's a problem with the salary structure in the NFL? That's ridiculous!

Which news is worse: Carson Palmer got injured on the first play of a playoff game vs the Steelers in January 06, or Carson Palmer played the whole game vs the Jets in January 10? Answer: I'm not sure, both were no shows.

Gambling note: I think this phrase should change: When you bet against Peyton Manning, you get the horns. Take it from me, don't do it again this year, you will be terrified for 4 hours and a boring concert.

Speaking of concerts, how did the Who get the Super Bowl gig this year? I bet that they were at least 20th on the list, just in front of Grand Funk Railroad. Seriously, I'll bet you right now!

I wonder if Jamarcus Russell practices throwing the ball out of bounds and out of the back of the end zone so he'll throw less interceptions. And if so, can we get that on tape?

The public enjoyed Lebron rappin so much on YouTube that I think they should have a NBA karaoke night for All Star Weekend. They already judge the dunk contest, just have Dr. J work overtime, I'm sure he's free for the weekend. Maybe Chris Andersen can sing some Eric Clapton, The Birdman is about to fly, and blow thru some COCAINE!!

If Peyton Manning wins the Super Bowl this year, then that'll be 3 out of 4 years a Manning has won the Super Bowl. Doesn't anyone else wonder if Maury Povich should find out if Archie is the father for the American Public's own knowledge?

Zach Randolph is proving once again that there is no more motivation than the Contract Year. He's puttin the 2004 version of Adrian Beltre to shame, and yes, he was on steroids too. You're just gonna have to trust me. Add him with the rest of the National League, except for Albert Pujols(no sources)

Everyone thinks Lebron is so funny, which is partially true. He would be in the Comedy Hall of Fame if he went to the NBA Finals Trophy celebration last year and said Kanye style "its all great that Kobe won and all but the 2009 Cleveland Cavaliers had one of the best seasons of all time."

Somehow the Memphis Grizzlies became the Oakland Raiders of the NFL(until this year). Think about it, Jason Williams(the Randy Moss one) was a stud in Sac-Town then went there to die, then Allen Iverson went there to retire, and it even claimed The Logo, Jerry West. Oddly enough, Patrick Ewing didn't get to make an appearance there. He might have just crumbled to bone and rubbish.

Is anyone else aware that David Garrard and Vince Young are in the Pro Bowl? They should just change the name to the Intermediate Bowl.

So the Nets beat the Clippers last night in Jersey, does anyone believe the reported attendance was over 9,000? Was the Jersey Shore cast involved?

I always thought that Glen "Big Baby" Davis was called that for his body weight and "baby" face. Then he got into an argument with a fan, and now the joke is too obvious.

While watching the Orlando Magic play the Celtics right now, the Magic have 4 white guys playing and the fifth has a white t-shirt on underneath his jersey. My how the mighy have fallen!

I think we need a corporate bar named Revis Island, where everyone gets turned away for a drink, even if you have an ID that says you're 50 years old. Then we could really say he shuts down everyone.

Does Ray Allen age? No, really, I wanna know. The shaved head always throws me off with ages, I guess that's why me and Michael Jordan do it. Yeah, that's it

I heard Favre's brother say that Favre didn't want to talk about his future in the NFL. This would be great if the season didn't take another 7 months to start.

Next up, I'm gonna tell you about Chuck. It'll be fun, I promise....until next time