Are you trying to lose? Go sit in the port-a-potty!

Show of hands...who watched the Pro Bowl?

Yeah me neither. I did take a peek at one point and I'm pretty sure I saw Seneca Wallace throw a play action screen pass to Mario Manningham for a 3 yard loss. Truly captivating television. I mean, who picks these guys?? If your first picks are injured or don't want to play...grab some darts and a blindfold! Obviously this is the newly accepted par for picking players past first tier. Did you know that only 10 starting AFC quarterbacks were NOT asked to participate? WTF?

If Vince Young decided to re-reevaluate his life (again) instead of playing in his 2nd Pro Bowl who would've taken his place? Ryan Fitzpatrick? Follow-up question: would he have made the game better or worse? Because I honestly don't know at this point. Young finished the regular season with 1800 yards, 10 touchdowns...Fitzpatrick finished up with 1400 yards and 9 touchdowns. The Titans won 7 games and the Bills 6. Believe it or not, this is what the coaches and we, the fans, are deeming as the best the NFL has to offer?? Matt Leinart is jealous. What else does he have to do?!?

We all know Goodell moved the Pro Bowl to the weekend before the Super Bowl to improve ratings and fluff the public...simultaneously removing the 2 week hiatus we are forced to take between the conference championships and the Super Bowl. But just like the old system, there are flaws: The biggest being that Super Bowl participants cannot play. The second biggest, maybe even 1b biggest: players with injuries are given less time to heal. Don't underestimate this injury thing...it drastically decreases a player's will and hunger to play in a game when the only thing of note that can possibly happen is have an already-bum leg fall completely off from a fluke Willis Mcgahee-esque blow to the knee. Don't get me wrong...these guys are competitors, they WANT to win...they just want to win next year. Can you really blame Favre for not wanting to potentially get destroyed 2 weeks in a row? Plus, his bonus for winning the Pro Bowl is smaller than what he makes for taking a crap pre-game.

Summary: Pro Bowl after the Super Bowl...no good, no interest. Before, not much better, second tier players sucking it up. So what's the answer?

Make it a theoretical Pro Bowl. Don't play it at all.

Kind of like the All-ACC team (insert favorite conference here), give the Pro Bowlers all the exposure and due credit they deserve by putting their names in print. Wouldn't this make everybody happy? The players are still awarded by being named the best in the league and there's no controversy over when and where to play the damn thing. I would much rather watch a Pro Bowl selection show than watch David Garrard do anything with a football. Make it reminiscent of the All-Madden selection shows of the early/mid 90's...why stop there? Let Madden host the show, that would be good television! Instead of awkward miscues between unfamiliar center and quarterback pairings, we'd be experiencing Madden stumble through difficult words such as 'summerall' and 'turdunken'. I'd much rather witness funny than awkward any day...Am I alone on this?

Not only would my idea be great for tv, it would give more NFL players time to make sweet SNL skits! I bet twice as many people watched the Sports SNL Special over the Pro Bowl. Show of hands?? Damn right...that sh*t was funny!

P.S. Play with your kids...so Peyton Manning doesn't have to.